Kirby and the Magical Cake
by Hoogiman
Summary: Kirby finds cake.


_Kirby and the Magical Cake  
By Hoogiman_

Kirby stared at the cake that lay in front of him. He was alone. It was just him and the cake. The cake and him. The 'pink spongey-ice-creamy cake, large in size, the icing so intricately placed on the top' cake.

"_What was the cake for? Was it a celebratory cake? Was it a funeral cake? Was it a celebratory funeral cake?_" Kirby thought to himself.

The cake shook, and released a very soft, low moan, the sound of an angry awoken creature in the wee hours of the morning.

His stomach rumbled. Kirby required food. He scanned the kitchen for food. He looked left.

Some delicately stacked plates and novelty knives of impractical lengths (some knives so long you could question how they got into the kitchen in the first place).

He looked at the centre.

A large cake.

He looked right.

Some red liquid in the sink and a green plumber's cap sinking down the drain, accompanied by some Italian obscenities.

He looked back at the centre.

A large cake. A large tasty cake.

He looked left.

Some more knives.

"So much food to choose from!" exclaimed Kirby, "But what do I eat?"

"_Maybe you could eat the cake,_" whispered a voice from behind Kirby.

"Yes, that would be a good idea," said Kirby, licking his lips, "Maybe I will eat the cake."

Kirby pondered the digestion of the cake for several seconds.

"But who are you, mystical voice?" said Kirby, in a trance.

"_Uh-a… I am the wisdom of the culinary gods!_" said the voice unconvincingly, trying to hide his accent.

"Hmm…" said Kirby, sceptical, waking from his trance, "You sound a lot like Mario…"

"_Uh-a… no…_" said the voice.

Kirby turned around.

"Well you look a lot like Mario," said Kirby.

"Oh, okay," laughed Mario, "It is-a me! And you should-a eat the cake!"

"Why are you denying that you are Mario?" said Kirby angrily.

"But I am-a Mario," said Mario, confused.

"I don't believe you're a ghost," said Kirby, sceptically.

"It's-a me, Mario," said Mario angrily.

"What if I draw blood with this knife?" said Kirby, threateningly pulling out a knife from the novelty knife rack.

The knife was about three centimetres long.

"Kirby," laughed Mario, "You can't expect to draw blood with that tiny knife!"

"Oh yeah?" said Kirby, "This knife is as sturdy-"

The knife disintegrated in his hand.

"Kirby, you're getting distracted," said Mario, "You should be eating that cake!"

A large, deep groan came from the cake.

"You're right," said Kirby, "But there's so much food to choose from! Why should I choose the cake?"

"Because there's nothing else to eat," said Mario.

"Oh," said Kirby.

Kirby looked at the cake. "Now to eat you."

"Good," said Mario, cackling evilly.

Kirby stared blankly at Mario.

"Uh… eat the cake," said Mario.

"Okay," said Kirby.

Kirby walked up to the cake and started to whisper.

"_I'm sorry to have to do this to you,_" whispered Kirby, "_But that was your purpose when you were made, to be eaten._"

"Where am I?" said the cake, confused. "I wasn't made to be eaten!"

"_You're just going to have to accept that you're food,_" said Kirby. "_Now I'll take a little slice from you, and you won't struggle._"

"A slice of me?" said the cake, aggravated, "Is this some cruel joke?"

"_It's just your destiny,_" said Kirby, shedding a happy tear.

"Hurry up," said Mario excitedly, sweating, "Before he notices… I mean… before somebody else eats it…"

Mario giggled in a high-pitched voice after he finished the sentence.

"I recognise this voice," said the cake angrily.

"Okay, here goes, cake," said Kirby, licking his lips.

"Wait, cake?" said the cake, "I'm not cake, I'm-"

"Hurry up and eat!" shouted out Mario, drowning out the voice of the cake.

"But you are cake," said Kirby, confused, watching something move from inside the cake.

"Hurry!" said Mario, his heart racing.

A large turtle-like creature with a spiky shell revealed itself from inside the cake.

"Eat now!" said Mario, his hands to his face, fountains of sweat streaming down his cheeks.

"You are pathetic, Mario!" said Bowser angrily.

"Heh, heh," laughed Mario sheepishly.

"This is your grand revenge scheme for me killing Peach?" said Bowser angrily, "Putting me in a cake and making Kirby eat me?"

"Um… perhaps…" said Mario nervously.

"Haw haw haw haw!" laughed Bowser heartily, "Well I guess I've foiled your scheme! You've probably planned this for months!"

Bowser chuckled heartily. Some random Goombas and Koopas ran in to join in the laughter.

"Okay Kirby, eat the cake!" laughed Bowser, "Go on!"

"Whatever you say, cake," said Kirby, suddenly entranced again.

"Hahaha," laughed Bowser.

Kirby started to open his mouth.

"Hahaha," laughed Bowser, now slightly unsure.

Kirby opened his mouth halfway.

"Okay, that's enough fake eating," said Bowser, chuckling nervously.

Kirby opened his mouth fully and started to suck, pulling in several Koopas.

"Aaaaah!" screamed Bowser, falling into Kirby's mouth.

Kirby swallowed.

"Hahaha!" screamed Mario evilly, "Now my plan has worked and I will now be known as Mario… **KING OF THE KOOPAS!**"

Mario cackled evilly, the Koopas stared frightened.

Mario, clearly intoxicated, fell through the gigantic hole in the wall between the novelty knives and the fridge to his death, twenty-six centimetres below.

Kirby stared at Mario's body.

"I… I… what in the world?" he said, utterly confused.

He looked around at the remains of the cake.

He looked left.

Mario was dead.

He looked right.

A green cap was floating in blood in the sink.

"Hey," said Kirby, "is Luigi dead, too?"

"No," said Luigi's voice from inside the sink.

"Oh," said Kirby.

Kirby turned on the tap.

"Nooo!" cried Luigi.

Kirby was oblivious to Luigi's shrieks for help.

"Well that's okay," said Luigi, "The only way I'll die is if you leave the tap on for say, the next five minutes!"

"Hey, Kirby!" said Ness, running into the room, "let's go wear hats for five minutes!"

They did.

Luigi died.

**The End**


End file.
